Saturday, April 01, 2006

Weapons of Mass Productions

Do you have:

Shills in the shrine?
Commerce in the cathedral?
ATMs in the apse?

Forget the tedium of fashioning a whip of cords, which may require multiple applications before being effective! Stop shouting yourself hoarse about the Lord's house becoming "a den of robbers!" Quit crying about not being strong enough nor angry enough to turn over tables!

Let the TEMPLE KLENZERTM do the work!

The TEMPLE KLENZERTM emits a powerful pulse of electromagnetic energy, instantly disabling the computer circuitry of any cash register, cash machine - or any other cash cow - that may have invaded your sacred space.

As an added bonus, the TEMPLE KLENZERTM also disables most cell phones - no longer will your prayers be interrupted by ring tones of the theme from Beverly Hills Cop!

ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE A HANDSOMELY ENGRAVED PLAQUE OF THE BEATITUDES ABSOLUTELY FREE! Perfect for posting in your local courthouse, public school classroom, or military recruiting office! (Gospel of Luke version - includes both "blessings" and "woes"!)

*Results may vary. Do not use TEMPLE KLENZERTM if you wear a pacemaker, are pregnant, may become pregnant, or know anyone who has ever been pregnant. Side effects may include ringing ears, nausea, dry mouth, drooling, weight loss, height loss, loss of appetite, blurred vision, weight gain, dizziness, fatigue, hyperactivity, shortness of breath, prickly heat, boils, frogs, locusts, and darkness.

Courtesy of Sojourners Magazine. April Fool's! =)

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