Saturday, June 02, 2007

8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter




Something for me to look forward to . . . in the distant future. Thanks to search engine archives that save info for eternity, whoever comes looking for trouble in 10 to 15 years, watch your six! Like they say, "great minds think alike."

Written by columnist W. Bruce Cameron, click here for the original article.

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.

Copyright 1998 W. Bruce Cameron

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Life Imitating Television

Okay, especially with recent events (shootings at Virginia Tech), the thoughts regarding "how much does media impact and influence?" begin to swirl. On a lighter note, I found this article light-heartedly comparing a disgruntled wife with the dark televsion series "Desperate Housewives." This woman put dog poo in her now divorced ex-husband's curry, check out the article here.

P.S. Is it just me or does Cho Seung-Hui fit the profile of the majority of the guys in your typical North American Asian local church, evangelical college/career group? The same type that attends church but somehow does not fit in with the more culturally savvy and popish "Asian Invasions" at Intervarsity, Crusade or AACF? And to put more pain on shame, Cho's own grand-aunt calls him an "idiot" on international media! Food for thought: how do we meet the needs of the "socially-challenged" & "socially-marginalized" Asian-americans in our midst? How can we biblically deal with Asian shame? Somehow, after reading the Cho family press release, I felt that the sorrow, pain, and shame expressed by Cho's sister was exponentially greater than if a non-Asian wrote the statement. Why is that?

God, have mercy and grace on the Cho family . . . have mercy and grace on the families of the fallen of Virginia Tech . . . have mercy and grace on all of us.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Inspiration Leads to Imagination: "3rd Man in History to Walk on Water"

I was inspired by War to post this (for those of you wondering what pastors do amongst themselves; this is taken from my actual email INBOX - from my daily dose of pastoral "stuff"):

"The 3rd Man in History to Walk on Water"


The 1st was Jesus of Nazareth . .

















The 2nd was Simon Peter, the apostle . . .























Then there was this guy . . . Jose



Did I mention that I received this from an individual of the Hispanic persuasion?

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Carlson Gracie Black Belt Roster

More for my own archives than for anything else (taken from ADCombat News):

As told to www.tatame/com.br: 'Because of his passing with many people claiming to be his Black Belt, Grandmaster's Carlson Gracie's wife Marli Gracie decided to release the official list of his Black Belts':

Carlson Gracie's Black Belts:

Alberto dos Santos
André Mendes
Anselmo Montenegro
Antônio 'Tony Malone' Gadelha
Aaron Laponte
Antônio Ricardo Bittencourt Cavalcanti
Alexandre Nascimento de Oliveira
Alexandre Macedo
Allan Góes
Amaury Bitetti
André Pederneiras
Antônio Cláudio Correia Leite Buchaul
Antônio Ricardo Jardim Libório
Antônio 'Tuninho' Rodrigues
Ari Fernando 'Galo' Araujo Rocha
Armando 'Maninho' Alves Gonçalves Filho
Arthur Virgilio Neto
Bráulio Carsalade
Carley Gracie
Carlos 'Penão' Alexandre Conceição
Carlos Frederico Rodrigues
Carlos Antônio Rosado
Carlos 'Bagana' Lima
Carlos Henrique 'Caíque' Vieira Cavalcanti Gomes de Oliveira
Carlos Rollyson
Carlson Gracie Júnior
Christian Kennedy Grandi
Cássio Cardoso
Clayton de Souza
Clóvis de Souza
Crézio de Souza
Djalma José de Santana Filho
Edyr 'Monge' Moreira da Silva
Edson 'Baiano' Carvalho
Elair Gilberto da Silva Reis
Élcio Figueiredo
Fábio Macieira
Felipe Fígalo Barbosa
Fernando Carlos 'Nutri-Baby' Carvalho da Silva
Fernando 'Pinduca' Melo Guimarães
Fernando Rosenthal
Francisco 'Toco' Albuquerque Neto
Francisco 'Grego' Trivelas
Franco Cézar de Camargo
Jerônimo Dix-Huit Rosado Ventura
Gustavo Gussen
Gutenberg Mello
João Antônio Fernandes Filho
José de Oliveira
José Eduardo Vieira Cavalcanti Gomes de Oliveira
José Mario Sperry
Júlio César 'Foca' Nunes
Leonardo 'Leo D'Ilha' Ferreira Borges
Luís Carlos 'Manimal' Mateus
Luís Carlos Vallois
Luís Cláudio Isaías de Souza
Luís Fernando 'Nando' Costa
Luís Roberto 'Bebeo' Duarte
Manoel Maria 'Maneco' Cardoso Neto
Marcel Laguna Duque Estrada
Marcelo Alonso Duque Novais
Marcelo Bustamante
Marcelo 'Bocão' Ferreira
Marcelo Mangueth
Marcelo 'Playmobil' Pache
Marcelo Procópio
Marcelo Saporito
Marcelo Tadeu Domingues de Oliveira
Marco Aurélio Kühner de Oliveira
Marco Aurélio Lisboa Valladares
Marcos 'Parrumpinha' da Matta
Marcos 'Flexa' Neves Mello
Marcus Vinícius de Macedo Soares (got to give props to the old man)
Marcus 'Conan' Vinícius Figueiredo da Silveira Júnior
Mauricio 'Saddam' Carneiro
Mário Cupertino
Miguel Kelner
Miguel Monteiro de Carvalho
Moisés Bormac
Murilo Bustamante
Orlando Saraiva
Osiris Maia
Oswaldo 'Paquetá' Gomes da Rosa
Oswaldo Vianna
Otávio Augusto 'Peixotinho' de Oliveira
Paulo 'Mamão' de Albuquerque Martins Pereira Filho
Paulo 'Paulão' Leite Filho
Pedro Paulo de Secco Freire
Renato Tavares
Ricardo de La Riva Goded
Ricardo Jucá Santos
Ricardo Luís 'Ray' Moraes Diogo
Ricardo Luíz Perrone
Ricardo 'Kiko' Velloso
Rinaldo Santos
Roberto Cardoso
Rocyan Gracie
Rodrigo Medeiros
Sérgio Abimerhy
Sérgio 'Bolão' de Souza
Sérgio Cohen
Sérgio Íris de Almeida
Vauvernargues 'Marinho' Xavier Vicentini
Vinicius 'Vinicinho' Cruz
Vitor Belfort
Wallid Farid Ismail
Walter 'Soldado' da Silva
Walter Guimarães
Wander de Souza

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Racism Re:Loaded

Okay, so shock jock Don Imus used the phrase "nappy-headed hoes" to describe the Rutgers women's basketball team. Wow! The response has been overwhelming: Rev. Al Sharpton, Rev. Jesse Jackson, U.S. Rep. Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick (a Michigan Democrat and chairwoman of the Congressional Black Caucus), Julian Bond (chairman of the NAACP's national board of directors), Kim Gandy (president of the National Organization for Women), the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, the National Association of Black Journalists, the list apparently goes on.

Anyhow, here is an insightful end quote from the CNN article:

Howard Kurtz, media critic for The Washington Post and host of CNN's "Reliable Sources," said Imus is known for his comedy, but "his comedy too often strays into the offensive." Kurtz, whom Imus once called a "boner-nosed, beanie-wearing Jew boy," said Imus should be held accountable for his remarks, "but there is also a good side to Don Imus, and I don't think that should be completely obliterated in all of this chest thumping."

Again, I contemplate whether or not the reaction would be as seismic if the receiving end was reference regarding another ethnic group . . . maybe Jewish, or Chinese, or Kazak. Then again, why do Black rappers still refer to one another as "fill in with N-Bomb" and their women as "hoes"? Oh yeah, that's not racist (when you make "those" remarks against your own people - check previous post). Man, it's tough being white folk nowadays.

Food for Thought: If you are a white presidential nominee hopeful, don't be caught singing along with your favorite Snoop Dogg album. It'll cost you . . . well unless you are Black, Asian, Hispanic, American Indian . . . so long as you are not white . . . or is that White?

Friday, March 30, 2007

Thoughts from the Overflow Bin

Got to get these out before the brotherman forgets!

Actual quote from my cousin who visited us when we first moved to Surrey last year:

She visited us on a sunny Saturday morning. "Yeah, I just saw K-Fed walk across the street at 10:00 AM with his 24 pack of Budweiser . . . welcome to Surrey."

Now for the listening audience. I will admit it . . . I love beer. Not your Coors Light or Trick-a-fob or not even your Stud-visor varieties. I love the local brew-meisters who get it down on the money - the micros . . . "know wha' I'm sayin'?" Anyhow, I've tallied up a list of my favorites so far . . . yes I am deeply infatuated with the pale ale persuasion (and yes they are mostly Canuckian and listed in order of preference) :

Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale (the grandpappy of pale ale's and also unbelievably Canuckian)
Granville Island's English Bay Pale Ale
Henry Weinhard's Blue Boar Pale Irish Ale (Oregonian, props to the motherland!)
Okanagan Spring's Brewery Extra Special Pale Ale (now owned by Sleeman's which is in turn owned by some foreign company); their 1516 Bavarian Lager gets props too
Moosehead Pale Ale (but I must say I "heart" their all malt lager)
Sleeman's Amber, Cream, Honey Brown, Silver Creek (a class of their own, I love 'em all - I am a Sleeman's Man)
Big Rock Brewery's Grasshopper (wheat ale with a wedge of lemon), Warthog (gots to give props to Cow-town)
Whistler Brewing Co. Classic Pale Ale (will admit that this is the lowest rating on my list thus far)

Currently fridgecasting on the I-Pack:

Cooper's Brewery Sparkling Ale (a Southern Australian crew)
Kamloops Brewery Original Pale Ale (same guys who brew the Whistler brand)

And during the summer months I prefer Strongbow with the occasional Corona (stay close to my Cali surf roots). Completely off topic would be my red wine of choice: Henry of Pelham's Boco Noir (2004 wasn't all that bad) - killer on the ribeye boyee! Boy am I ever glad I got that off my shoulders . . . phew!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Recent Surge in Canadian Population

Rapid growth - "We’ve been growing faster than we were, and faster than all the other major rich industrial nations, according to Canada’s latest head count."

Click here for the article.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Skit Guys Racist? Naw!

Recently, the blogosphere has gotten buzzed by a recent book put out by the Skit Guys - 2 standup, youth ministry types who are seemingly gifted "skit guys" (nope, I have not yet nor will I anytime soon read the book). Anyhow, there was apparently a Chinese character who was portrayed in a stereotypical manner complete with "ethnically-enhancing" phonetic lines. Aside from the fact, that the main guy representing the response to Youth Specialities is Korean - is there an official Chinese response? - this has caused me to wonder, "what is racism?"

According to Dictionary.com, the word "racism" means:

1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

2. a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

3. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

So let me get this straight, as long as you don't talk trash about the other "peoples" it's all good? Meaning, as long as I keep the trash talk aimed at my own "peoples"? Apparently there are 55 ethnic minorities who are also called "Chinese" - I guess I'm in the tank for my Fukinese jokes since I'm Cantonese, wait that's okay we're all Han. Being a healthy, local-born Chinese (the North American, West Coast variety), I tend to fall in the "belief" category that comedian Russell Peters describes as "we got white people so scared that they are the racists when in fact every other immigrant group that comes to the US is more racist than you will ever imagine." Peters does a great impression of a Honger shop keeper in his standup routine, "be a man!" (I suppose being Cantonese it's okay to refer to my own peoples as "Hongers" - just don't let white guys use that term, we'll lynch 'em; just kidding, no really) If you've seen it, you know what I mean. Anyhow, all the visible minorities in Canada don't think he's a racist for protraying another visible minority group with somewhat uncanny accuracy. Then there is one of my favorite screwball-type comedians, Bobby Lee, who does his regular Asian-typecast character on MadTV - I think he's hilarious. For the record, as someone who is of Chinese descent, I am in no way offended by his impersonation of the "Blind Kung Fu Master". Don't get me wrong, racism is wrong. But when Asians complain about racisim . . . come on . . . if the white folks really knew what we thought.

BTW, I don't know if this sort of thing would fall under the category of "post-colonialism" or something another. Then again, I don't think I really care. Skit Guys, thank you for your apology, no need to go overboard and sign up for sensitivity training or whatever other extreme thing you might think of doing. Food for thought: "the single most discriminated people group in the Los Angeles Area is the single, white male." True OR False?

Monday, February 26, 2007

Man Aged 107 Forsakes Sex for Longevity

Sun Feb 25, 9:24 AM HONG KONG (Reuters) - A 107-year-old Hong Kong villager, who still enjoys an occasional smoke, has attributed his longevity in part to decades of sexual abstinence, a newspaper said on Sunday.

"I don't know why I have lived this long," Chan Chi -- one of Hong Kong's oldest people -- was quoted as saying in the South China Morning Post during an annual feast for the city's elders.
"Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have lived a sex-less life for many years -- since I was 30," said Chan, a widower whose youthful bride perished during the Japanese invasion in World War Two.

Chan, from Hong Kong's less built-up New Territories hinterland, was pictured looking sprightly and eating heartily at the banquet.

A former chef, he said a low-fat diet and regular dawn exercises had helped him fight off the ravages of old age.

But the centenarian, who's had no difficulty living a monastic existence for nearly 80 years, admits the pleasures of tobacco have been harder to resist.

"Now I want to quit," he was quoted as saying of his decades-long cigarette addiction. "Maybe the government should ban cigarette sales so I can give it up," he added.

I particularly like how Reuters described Master Chi's lifestyle - "a monastic existence" . . . yeah, whatever. Has anyone else read "Sacred Marriage" besides me? My favorite quote from Gary Thomas' book was "if you want to follow Jesus, stay single; if you want to be like Jesus, get married." BTW, I'm married.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Peace Out to "the church"

It's been a challenging few weeks - wife went into preterm labor, resigned from "the church", received "bad press" released from the church leadership. I hope this all ends soon . . . very soon.

Fortunately, this has given us the opportunity to revisit and recall the "O.G." vision we sensed God leading us towards years ago. I think Chris Seay & Doug Pagitt hit a chord with me when they started their respective Christian faith communities.

Here is the "values" statement taken from Ecclesia Houston (Chris Seay's crew):

"We are a Holistic, Missional, Christian Community"

Holistic: We believe that the Gospel impacts every area of a person's life and culture. We reject unfounded categories that divide the world into uniquely sacred or purely secular. God is redeeming all of creation through Jesus.

Missional: We believe that the church exists for the world and not for herself - she is to introduce and usher in the Kingdom of God into every part of this world.

Christian: We embrace the teachings and divinity of Jesus Christ as well as His unique role as the means of salvation from sin for all who believe. We embrace the Scripture as God's primary instrument by which He introduces this message to the world.

Community: We believe that salvation brings people together as a reflection of a triune God: Father, Son and Spirit. Saved from sin by faith through grace, the people of God are able to live in unity as was intended by God in the beginning.

Here is the one from Solomon's Porch (Doug Pagitt's crew):

"Solomon's Porch: a Holistic, Missional, Christian Community"

Holistic: Understanding that all areas of life are connected, including faith, time, family, work, body, money, intellect, et al.

Missional: Our belief is that God intends Christianity be a way of life which sends us into the world to serve God and our neighbors, so that God's will may be done on earth as it is in heaven. The church is never to be the withdrawn or isolated end user of the gospel of Jesus; rather, we receive it so that we may be equipped and sent into the world to love our neighbors and serve "the least of these." In this sense, Solomon's Porch doesn't have a mission; it is mission.

Christian: As Christians we see ourselves as a growing people who are learning to live life with God in the way of Jesus. We represent a generous orthodoxy, rooted in the Scriptures and consistent with the ancient creeds of the church.

Community: Desiring to share life with one another in a way that we become a living, breathing, local expression of the global, historical body of Christ.

Yeah . . . amen.

We've labored prayerfully over these values the past 4 or 5 years. Finally, I believe that we have reached the point where we cannot continue on without them. No more settling, no more compromise - it's make it or break it. No more overtime or even double overtime.

Though we've left behind many good people and perhaps "not-so-good" people at "the church", we are grateful that God has led us back to revisit something familiar . . . the original vision and dream that He called us to. Sovereign God, Your grace is truly amazing!